HEY!

These Kids Put The ‘Pro’ in Prodigy
Freddy Adu signed with Nike for $1 million. It was either that or high school soccer.	Michelle Wie attempts to qualify for the PGA. Her proud father would love to spend retirement as her caddy.
Donald Young, Jr. has been called the future of tennis. Alert: do not name your son Donald.	“Little Tricky” Mitchie Brusco, the 7-year-old skateboard phenom has 11 sponsors.
It’s too much to hope for two Wimbeldon champs in the family. You should probably set your sights on just one.
LeBron James: $90 million by age 18. Great summer job for this kid.	Tom Brady won two Super Bowls by the time he was 26.
Shaun White won three X-Games snowboarding titles before he was 18.	Tiger. Now that’s a great name.

Last year it was weddings, this year it’s babies. Although I’ve managed to remain spouse and offspring free, no less than six of my couple friends have decided to give birth this year. So I’m hearing a lot about it. Getting a lot of sonograms mailed to me.

And I’ve found out the number one secret desire of daddies-to-be: they all want to be Richard Williams. Yes, that Richard Williams, the father of top tennis players Venus and Serena Williams. Or they want to be Earl Woods, Tiger’s dad.

The key question for dads today is no longer how they can provide for their children, but rather how their children can provide for dear old dad. With all these kids turning pro at such young ages,
dads now want to know how they can get their kid to be a millionaire athlete by the time he or she is 18. This has the dual advantage of not having to pay for kids’ college AND having them pay for dad’s retirement (with the additional benefit of making other fathers jealous).

And don’t forget wealth. It’s not such a bad thing for your kid to have a promotional contract with Nike, Gatorade, or Buick. At least you get to see him more than other parents (even if it is only during commercial breaks). And if your child is pulling down $10 million a year by the time he or she is 18, do you think you’re going to have to work? No way, your kid’s money will help you retire in luxury, and you’ll spend your days flying from one tourney to another to watch them play.

Never mind that statistically, the odds against your child becoming a pro by the time they are 18 is about three million to one. I say go for it.

Of course, you may push them too hard. They may hate your guts before they reach high school, or not live up to their hype, or burn out too soon (see Jennifer Capriati or Todd Marinovich), but hey, there’s a lot of money on the table.

Witness the rising stardom of LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers, who signed a $90 million contract with Nike at age 18. Freddy Adu had to decide between trying out for his high school soccer team or becoming the highest paid soccer player in America. And don’t forget up-and-comer Michelle Wie in golf (age 15), and young tennis pro Donald Young, Jr. (also 15). Maria Sharapova, the Williams sisters, Tiger Woods. Tiger won his first major at age 21 (he seems like he’s been around for ever, but he’s only 28).

But you’ve got to start them young. How young? Well, Donald Young, Jr. stared playing tennis at age two. Also at age two, Tiger famously putted with Bob Hope on the Mike Douglas Show. Venus was playing tennis at four.

How young is too young? Well it wouldn’t hurt to give your wife a tennis racket, golf club or basketball to carry around with her during pregnancy. And get some of that music from Rocky, Chariots of Fire, Hoosiers, and Breaking Away. Play that in your bedroom as your pregnant
wife sleeps. She won’t mind.

Here are two important baby-naming pointers for you prospective daddies out there:

1) Use the last name of a famous athlete. Why the last name? Because every new baby’s first name is a last name these days, it’s a rule. Parents usually get these names by just going through the phone book. But you’re better than the rest of the parents. You’ve got a plan. Give your child the last name of your favorite athlete, like “Bradshaw” (Terry Bradshaw won four Super Bowls), “Elway” (John won two Super Bowls) or “Brady” (Tom’s almost a child prodigy himself, winning two Super Bowls before he was 26). If you have a girl, first names are sometimes still okay as first names. I recommend “Serena” or “Annika”. The name “Montana” (who also won four Super Bowls) will work for a boy or a girl.

2) Give your kid a name he won’t get beat up or teased with. Everyone knows that a person’s identity starts on the playground, and the name you choose needs to inspire confidence among the playmates. So even if you like Vince Carter, never name your kid “Carter”. Carter rhymes with “farter”, and that can scar a kid for life. He’ll never make the pros with that name. “Favre” is also a bad choice, as no one will be able to pronounce it. If you can’t think of a name your boy won’t
get teased with, Thor is always a good name to fall back on.

Now, how do you choose what sport to get your kids started in? First, how tall are you and your wife? If your average height is not above 6′2″, rule out basketball and football right away. Your kids may want to play these games with their friends, but don’t let them. They’re just wasting time and effort. Likewise for volleyball. You may have visions of your daughter being the next Gabby Reece, but it’s not going to happen. She’s going to be too short. Turn her into the next
Mia Hamm instead.

Same thing goes for swimming and water polo, but for different reasons. These guys are tall AND they don’t make any money. The only time you ever hear of them is once every four years at the Olympics, and then just for a few minutes. Occasionally they get on the Wheaties box or on a calendar, but that’s about it. Your child needs a sport that gets on TV more than once every four years. Track is out, too.

However, gymnastics is the exception to the “no Olympic sports” rule, and pays off double if you happen to be short yourself. Gymnastics is the short parents’ dream sport. If you hit it just right and your little girl turns 16 just as the Olympics come around, you could be the most popular parents in the world for raising such a cute little girl who wins the gold medal. And she WILL get on the Wheaties box and get speaking engagements. You WILL get to retire early.

Caution: the gymnastics exception does not apply if you have a boy. Male gymnasts do not get endorsement deals, and they generally have to wait until they’re in their 20s. This has the double negative of your having to pay for college AND them not making any money. This is a common pitfall. If your boy is going to as short as a male gymnast, perhaps he should be a jockey.

So if you do your research and stay focused on your goal, your retirement planning should be relatively straightforward and take care of itself. It’s never too early to get your kid started on the road to making you a millionaire.

Start your kids on their athletic careers as early as possible.

Share This